That is, until I opened my first bag of Billy Goat Chips. A bright light of hope blasted through my face when I smelled the wonderful treat inside. My hands trembled as I took the first, beautifully formed, luscious, tantalizing chip from the bag. I had never held anything so naturally wondrous. My tongue was jolted awake by the refreshing potato flavor, complimented to an explosion of tastes as the canola oils and salts harmonized in the background. The crunch revitalized my hearing, so crisp and so clean, so powerful and so refined, so hearty and so full. The amazing crunch soon softened into a relaxing chew, satisfying my hunger and blanketing my mouth in happiness. Upon finishing the chip, the distinct emotions I acquired throughout the consuming process stuck with me. I felt hope, I felt wonder, I felt awake, I felt refreshed, I felt revitalized, I felt satisfied, I felt happy; I felt ALIVE.
From the depths of my lonely, sad tomb of flavorless, paltry food, I have seen the light. I have broken free of the mundane necessity of snacking. I have arisen with new vigor, recharged energy, and renewed faith. This chip, such a simple device, has forever changed my life for the better. I have had the immense pleasure of partaking in the grand adventure I now attribute to great, no, the BEST chips on this human-known planet.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your efforts have bettered the human cause. Your chips have heightened our noble reach for fantastic sustenance. Surely if there is a higher power, it is shining brightly on your sealed bags of perfection.